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Affluent Christian Investor | December 2, 2023

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Going Balt: Is It Time for Small Business in Big Cities to Drop Out?

Ukraine Riots 2013

Imaginary headline from Establishment Newspaper—slightly exaggerated, (How far is this story from the subtext of any mainstream media news outlet?)

“Rich Store Owner Takes His Huge Profits And Dumps Beleaguered City!”

Standing on a flat-bed trailer parked in front of his still smoking, looted and burned out store, and surrounded by reporters, police and politicians, business owner Mr. Scrooge today announced to upset city residents that he will not re-open and, in fact, insists he will close all of his City stores. Why?

Visibly agitated, a shrill voiced Scrooge shouted angrily at the stunned crowd, “Aren’t fifty years of democrat party liberalism enough? You people didn’t learn a thing after the 1967 riots! So why would you expect any business to stay here and get burned out again and again?”

Now he insults them, “I know your politicians are mainly to blame, but you are guilty too. You keep re-electing democrat after democrat after failure after failure, lies and broken promises! Sooner or later you have to wake up and grow up!”

He then had to wait for reasonable and peaceful objections, car burnings and window smashing by the justifiably upset crowd to die down, as police brutally dragged off and shot many of the more upset.

“Now,” taking a deep breath and calming down– but still obviously mean and bitter, this hateful capitalist continues, “Sure, some of you did not vote democrat, and I feel sorry for you. But just living here in this over taxed, over regulated, but let-the-crooks-get-away with-murder, liberal hell-hole of a city means you are supporting them. If you got smart, like I finally have, you would get out too. Or if you cannot get out, at least stop voting for democrats!”

He then dumped on democrats when everything is always republicans’ fault. “Democrats keep ruining city after city, even entire states! Now, I don’t let all republicans off the hook either. Some of them act like democrats! But until liberals get out of power we will not re-open any stores here. We are also phasing out stores in every other city and state run by democrats.”

Instead of guaranteeing full salary for life, “I do feel sorry for you employees. I will give separation compensation, based on position and time of service.”

He then added divisively, “I suggest you take your money and head for a state that respects your family, the rule of law and private property.”

Next he got positively racist, “I recommend the more southern regions of the country and away from big cities.”

Then, showing hateful insensitivity to the rights of workers, he jabs, “Those of you who think I am the problem and not you, grow up! Your job was not an entitlement! You were lucky to have it, but too many of you were resentful instead of grateful at having a job.”

But this was the worst, “Instead of stores I am opening a chain of free re-education centers in cities, and some depressed rural areas as well, to teach the principles on which this nation was founded and which the government schools don’t teach—but lie about. I will give away free I-phones and/or other expensive electronic gadgets as rewards to those who graduate our “What it Takes to be a Real American” program.”

As gunfire erupted, rocks and bottles pummeled the stage; a visibly shaken Scrooge was hustled off by his grim-faced security detail into an armored command staff car. And with that, he escaped the smoldering city with his profits for his private jet, at great cost to the planet, no doubt to enjoy his money and leaving behind the problems his brand of capitalism caused.

The city now awaits a new kind of service provider, run by the government that has what people need, is environmentally and culturally sensitive and never overcharges for shoddy products.


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